i am sure ANGER will kill me,,

fuck,,damned,,asshole,,bodo,,sial,,anjing,,babi,,tai,,owk,,sori 4 de violent intro,,well,,i m ni great anger,,nvr in diz anger since,,,um,,u think i dont dare,?? diz is nd,,the owly DAMNED SON,,are u kidding me,?? n y u involve othrs,,?? damned,,dat re unaccepted,,now u mke me burning Red,,n fyi,,wen i mad,,i mad as long as iwnt,,n i wont care bout u,,either u dead or alive,,WAT should i care,,?? shit btul la,,ks rsak my vry gud muud,,damneeddd,,ur jz awke a sleeping dragon,,now de dragon is awake,,it wont stop burning u off,,cant stop my anger,,damn u oso anger,,i cant control,,i jz afraid,,den i start doing somtin crazy,,den anger wat killed me,,,not sickness,,killed by ANGER,,DEN da pla org yg named anger,,gud,,wat gud,?? shhhiiitla,,

i AM A tERRIBLE cuTTER??? Yes I m,,,

well,,honestly,,i m damned in cutting,,n mybe i fobia in de cutting now,,y,???well,, i cut de stemed chick yestrday n my little fingr beibg bite by deadly sharp chooping knife,,,den 2dy,,it byte agen,,now at my point finger,,glove oso cutted,,den trus fill wit blood diz de glove,,shet btul,,n i think some of my blood drop on de chick,,haha,,hbisla 2 org jd rja brsuing,,mnum darh sja,,n i realize,,my blood clotting tke mch2 longer tyme,,sdablut,,pkir owk sda den bkala blutan den mgalir lg,,,donno mybe bout 1 hour,,i m really serious bout it,,den i start 2 get dizzy cam maw pitam,,damn,,den i start 2 think,,wei,,xknla bnyk tul drah sya mgalir,,damn jga,,tp donnola,,mybe tired,,maw 4 or 6 kli blut my jri,,2lum lg ptus,,law ptus,??? aha,,3 hour kli xstop bleeding,,die in excess bleeding,,den p frezzer or cn olso be called de antartica,,-10c de temp,,lma2 d sna rsa mngntuk,,haha,,tdor,?? gla,,klaw tdor d sna xkn bgun2 g,,baku,,

work,,study,,,jd budu,,,jd arwah,,,

well,,its been 3month i work wit marina kit,,vry2 best,,lawpn kdang2 very2 bz lyke hell,,,pnat lyke hell,,bt it a new experiance,,study,?? welll,,result yg xbrapa power,,math xcredit,,damn,,sow fom6,,??? eew,,early morning class,,so lame,,um,,let me think first,,cz i m getting lyke wit my job,,,n i love dining n culinary nows,,,um,,den,,tba2 dpt pnyakit,,guud,,xlama lg mati,,arap2 cpatla,,cepat,,cpat,,mlas sda,,,,tired,,,killing myself,?? nah,,i hve my own principe,,nEver Take Off My Life By My Hand,,kdang2 rsa maw cry,,cz xthan wif my suffer,,if i gve it 2 u,,mybe u wont survive long enough,,i stop drinking,,donno y,,,bt mybe i will bck,,bt mybe i will nvr bck,,i will nver update my blog,,my Fb,,reply msg,,cz im gone,,,FOREVER,,,so i WNt 2 do dat owl as long as i still hve tyme,,

hapi,,???

am i hapi,,?? um,,mybe yes,,mybe not,,from mornink till nite i cnt stop thinking bout Her,,um IKAW ANG LAHAT SA AKIN,,i keep wondering,,how she 2day,,how's de mood,,how she feelin,,evrything,,um,,bwat keja pn trhayal2 ngam2 g tmpt bwat piza ngam2 d dpan sea view,,trus thinking bout her,,um,,hope she jz fine,,Owk,,2day mcm contol suma show kitchn means kitchn d luar d mna guest bole nmpk chef in action,,haha,,well awl paigi prepare piza condiment,,uli2 doh,,bwat bnyk2 tp xda jga ordr,,shet bnar,,,den smapi lunch attck jam 11 smapi jam 3,,,tp xjga brapa pling2 chiken rice stem,,sya ptung2 ja,,haha,,paduli,,mna drong kisah 2 potongn klaw sda trasa sdap,,rite,,?? den smpai jm 12,,,tyme 2uk kunch actually tp sda kna bg amanat 2uk jga,,sow bearla,,than2 lu,,,den sya p jga set lunch promotion jap,,sya pling bnci maw jga promotion,,cz msti bz,,sb servise guy ks promote lg i2,,sheeett,,den p magellan pastry,,pastry yg paling best of de best d sutra H,,chefnya baek2,,kmi p sna kna bg mnum kopi g,,den kna bg mkan kuih g,,gla2an,,yg offer kmi pn chef yg high rank,,baek,,ptuula mka staffnya cria ja,,pas2 ada radio2 lg,,best,,maw pndah sna,?? ahah,,no thanx,,xmnat,,den blik p home base den mcm org funitere bwa 2 panini bread yg blum d ptong basar,,buli tdor,,gla pnya bread,,tp sedap seriously,,den jam 3,,training session,,best ni,,owl marina kit staff blajr menu d stiap kit,,cold,,westrn,,n asian,,tp part tyme mcm xkna pduli,,haha,,pro sda mah,,haha,,bz bha 2la,,tp best ni,,cam besa brgmbr2 lg,,haha,,aya,,i start getting comfortable wif dem,,aya,,can i leave diz kitchn,,?? um,,

confused,,,sakit ati ,,donno ,,,unstable emotion,,

fuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkk,,,sheeeeeeetttttt,,,sori 4 de intro word,,tba2 skit ati,,donno y,,bt yes i know y,,bt i dont think sow dat i will tell y,,?? bearla,,bearla sya merana,,dount ur know,,?? um,,i feel lyke being lied,,i remember everything from de 1st word u said,,if ur wnt me 2 recalled it,,yes,,i cn,,bt y,,??? aya,,it mke me bleeding n dying,,feel lyke ''abis madu sepah dbwang''aya,,i dont 2 be badboi meant player,,evn mny my kitchn frien suggest 2 do so,,i dont wnt 2 do dat,,shit 2 u dad,,shame 2 u dad,,cz ur an ex player,,bt i being played,,um,,its owk,,wat cn i do,,?? mrah,?? nope,,its owk,,cz im nobody jga,,jz tiang,,heartless,,no feeling,,rememberd owl de hapi tymes mke me smile,,bt olso thinking,,is it owl jz a lie,,?? i dont know,,bt if Yes it a lie,,den,,wat cn i do,,i am guy wif mo feeling,,kna ks skit ati,,i jz diam,,xjga sya maw mrah2 mcm org gla,,i know who i m,,shet,,emoish diz post,,,read n ignore,,

I am sow in pAin,,

I NEED HELP,,HELLO?? ANYONE THERE,,SHET,,IT GETTING WORST,,PAIN AT MY ABDOMEN N STOMCH,,AYA,,WAT HAPPEN 2 ME,,?? com on nd,,FIGHT,,,,,,shit,,i cant hold mch longr if evrynyte de damn pain come,,it lyke being haunted,,i tke a rest,,bt ah,?? wat rest,,?? sleep,,?? i cant evn cloze my eyes wit diz damn pain,,i wnt 2 ask from mom,,bt looks lyke she ordy sleep,,dad,,?? nah,,thanx sjala,,her,?? donno,,sunyi je,,bro,,?? nverla,,sow who will help,,NO 1,,jz hlping myself,,aya,,seriously i am tired of diz pain,,n jz now,,tba2 btuk2,,mcm da somtin trmsuk d lher,,ayo,,law gni brtrusan i should prepare my funeral,,um,,mybe people wont blve,,i m not in a gud health condtion,,i telling de truth dat i nearly being critical,,bt,,othrs may think ''eew,,nd jz mking a stori sow people will show him some care n mercy,,'',,i dont need otrs care,,,,lum jga mti,,i tell otrs dat im sick sow i cn get info wat should i do n dont,mybe too mch sin?? ya mgkin jga,,i am cruel 2 mom,,2 her,,2 evryone,i say my sori,,bt ''sori'' wont heal a heart dat is hurt by me,,i know de fact,,i know de truth,,shet gonna stabbed my stomach wif katana,,budu kaw perut,,,

bby,,i dont wnt 2 be alone,,,,

ouwh,,um,,wat diz really meant,,??? it keep coming out in my head,,,tell me wat dat mean,,???shet ,,or mybe i m paranoid,,??,,i wnt 2 know de answer,,bt,,tba2 de damn pain come agen,,,owly shet,,cn u give me some tyme 2 hve guud day,,u keep comming evrydy in ny life,,ut

r mke me moody n drive me insane,,shet,,i hate u PAIN,,,,owl diz pain mke me hte de life,,,y mst me,,?? y i being in pain,,?? y,,????,,y dont gve diz pain 2 people who are vry2 stong,,i m not strong,,n i m getting tired,,de pain keep coming evrydy,,imagine how terrible its ws,,,lpar,,?? xjga,,i ordy eat,,bt still,,it fell lyke being stabbed,,worst case scenario,,cncer,,?? aha,,guud,,den i jz being my mom burden,,mnysahkn,,law kna than d I.CU,??,,who will tke cre of me,,??? mom,,she de 1st,,dad,,?? nah,,,mybe wen i breathing 4 last breath bru maw show his egois lv,,aya,,skit g,,um,,ubt sda bnyk d mbil,,bt still,,no effect,,,is it a test 4 me,,?yes,, mybe i think so,,um,,bt if i still cn survive,,i will,,n sjak2 dtng bnyk pnykit yg ekstrem,,mmpi pn ekstrem,,gla2an,,suma nightmare,,kdang2 maw ttp mta pn mlas,,somtime pnah trpkir namw tdor lngsung,,sow,,i guess i should stay alive,,bt afraid jga law tba2,,,,cz i m vsd patient,,mny case of vsd patient sudden death,,tp,,for me xbest ni sudden death,,haha,,gla,mmlih lg,,haha,,haha,,''I SMILE TILL DEATH,,MY FACE WILL LOOKS SOW HAPI WEN I ORDY IN DE COFFIN,,ETHIR IT NOW,,OR SOONER,,OR A FEW YEAR OR LATER,,PEOPLE WILL DIE OSO,,

cOld kitchonnn

well,,jz graduated from dat kitchen,,haha,,pass nearly owl ala-carte menu,,ala-carte means according to menu,,um,,bngga jga akhirnya tmat kontrek d sna sb sda mastering skill,,haha,,actually d kit ni jz me yg guys,,suma staff d cold kit woman,,sob2,,tp owk jga there are my sistr n anti n dorang owk,,um,,owk letz talk bout wat menu can i prpared,,?? well,,2 mke it easy i mke a list,,
1,club sandwish=ni first ala-carte menu sya blajar,tp ni kira bkin pnas jga cz bnyk step,,maw toasted bread,,maw truh tomato,,timun n sow on,,densda truh maw ksi ptong g,,den maw sett g wif green sald tngah2,,n thosand islnd dressing,,

2,grilled tuna sandwish=omG,,diz for noobiz pn bole bwat easy as pancake,,law 10 order msuk pn xpa,,haha,,mbil bread ks truh tuna den griled dats owl,,haha..

3,panini sandwish=ni pn actually quite snang,,cz breadnya sda ready tnggl truh cheese slice n beef pasrami den grilled,,bt de tricky part tyme maw mbil 2 sandwish dri griller,,pnas gla,,cam besa gna sudu,,tp law bz,,??cam besa gna larh bare hand,,hahaha

4,chocolate cake,,cheze cake,,carrot cake,,=well ni pn pling simple mybe bole siap dlm 5 minute,,cz kek sda ready,,mbil dri pastry pasific,,staffnya da yg baek,,da yg cam shiiiiit,,k,,ckup la 2,,sow law cke,,setting da choc n strawberry sause,,da whipping cream,,cherry,,DONE,,hehe,,

5,ice cream,vanilla,,straw,B,,choc,,very2 easy scoop truh choc srup den almond flakes,,dONE,,

6,banana split=3type of ice cream,,4 slice banana,,dat y it being called banana split,,tp kna tlis d menu sutera banan boat,,pdahal banana split ni,,k,,sda truh psang den choc srup den whiipng cream den almond agen,,DONE,,,

to be continued,,

owh God,,y la U give me jntung yg sda brlbng,,xda yg bgus kha,,hehe,,sori God,,jan mrah,,U sow baek give me jntung dat funtional very well n loyal 2 me for a bout 17 years n a few month,,,i wnt 2 get myself into ARMY,,sow wat if i dont hve de basic in de damn marching,,i am very good at shooting,,heehe,,besa jd pmbru hram d kg,,smapi pupus plnduk d kg,,haha,,sori plnduk,,kmu baik bha,,cumil lg,, bt kmu sgat sEDAPPP,,klaw kna msak,,hehe,,k back 2 de army stori,,if i cn get in2 army cam besa i sahll be de fighter jet pilot,,,damn,,sooow cool,,,tp jet mlysia mcm not properly mantained,,bole taw dr asap,,nmpk d u-tube,,haha,,,um sow how i can be de normal human agen,,?? well my health prob cn only be cure by opreation,,,shit i hate dat,,either kna tmpal or jntung kna gnti,,,n nsib baek da p review,,cz if de worst case scenario happen,,neither de 2 step cn heal me,,yg mcm sda trlmbt,,pa2 pn xbole bwat,,jz tnggu chaya dr lngit mean die lah,,bt sow far i am not in dat condition msi kwat bha ni,,hahaha,,pdahal,,abnormal blood press sda larh,,one step awy maw p critical,,gla kn?? hope it wont jump 2 critical or c u in ICU,,hehe,,or institut jntung ngara,,or,,10 feet under,,eh,,10 feet or 3 feet,,haha,,pdulila,,i m not pnggali kbur,,peaceout,,

R.I.P

YEAH,,probly hears dat word RIP,,dat a key for freedom of owl painful,,sadness,,n evry problem,,de Rest In Peace,,bt othrs dont really rest in peace cz mybe they got killed or being involved in accident,,for me de question bout death in de highest 1 hand,,He cn deside who he cn take,,,if there is a form dat cn be filled sow de person cn be taken awy,,i will fill dat form,,,i fell sow empty,,i dont know wat should i do,,yes,,i hve my fmily bt,,i cnt stand de pain,,,it wont be a easy life wen living wit defect heart,,i dont meant dat i dont appreciate life,,life is sow wonderful,,i thanx God 4 dat,,bt i dont hve any will anymore,,i dont need mercy from others,jz u God,,wen i love,,i dont played wit dat word,,wen de word i love u come from my mouth,,i wnt it 2 last forever,,,i really meant dat,,2 my mom,,my love 2 u,,nvr die,,2 my dad,,my love 2 u,,mybe lke de cndle light,,2 my sis n bro n kazen,,i love u all 4 ur owl great care n love,,n for u,,the prson dat i wnt lv,,my love nver stop flowing from my heart,,,t.b.c,,,

continue,,,..

i wish my life ends now,,,sow i rest,,cz i am tired of diz evrything,,,o God,,,i know u love me,,,pleaze tke me awy wif u,,i dont meant dat i dont appreciate de life u give 2 me,,,bt i m tired,,WEak,,sad,,,pain,,,lonly,,,hopelss,,,n dying,,,wat else should i do,,than i wait up 40r my end day,,,

the second chapter: should i life for a few month or years?,,mybe,,bt inside me talking ''letz continue de life'',,bt outside me said ''never,,!,,let God tke me away,,i dont wnt 2 live in diz world anymore,,,i cant hold mch longer de pain n owl my sadness,,owl of dat i kept quite cz idont wnt other wories,,'' wen i left,,nver waste a tears,,,i dont deserve a tears,,,cz waste ur prayer cz i m de sinners,,,,,,,to be continued...........

the first chapter: nd spoke ''i shall never left ur,,cz i know how precious ur are in my life bt yet,,i know it was't me who running away bt its u,,,,''